You are amazing. Congratulations for your strength.
I hope in objectifying the situation you haven't lost sight of how she is plainly wrong here. The commitment involved in marriage relationships involves a great deal of sacrifice. Both parties commit to forsake others in order to build and grow the bond they have chosen.
She used your willingness to honor that commitment and sacrifice as a stepping stone.
I think it is perfectly reasonable to be civil and respectful of the choices she has made. She is human and merely trying to find happiness, just like everyone else. I admire your efforts to give her the benefit of the doubt. But she made a huge mistake. What message does this send the kids?
In my view, marriage -- and love -- isn't about you. It is about honoring, protecting and encouraging another person, no matter what. I think you are doing that. You are being supportive of whatever makes her happy (not that you "support" this, but she made her decision, and you have respected her freedom to make it) even when it hurt you.
Anyway, I applaud how mature you are being about this situation. But she made a choice that has significant negative consequences for several people. That should not be lost here, I don't think.
In my view, marriage -- and love -- isn't about you. It is about honoring, protecting and encouraging another person, no matter what.
Exactly, in your view. Not only are there as many views on marriage as there are people who know of the concept (depending on how finely you granularize), but worse, those views aren't time invariant either. Should a precommitment override a person being miserable, as his/her stance on marriage changes? Each lost year never comes again, who are we to decide his former partner is in the wrong for pursuing her happiness over...
This is the earlier promised post about Dealing with a Major Personal Crisis. Please continue reading there but comment here.
The reasons for posting it this way are explained at the end of the link. I hope this approach does what I want it to.