Hm. I notice we have very different ideas on this.

As a male in my early 30's, I've observed myself go through these iterations between commitment and freedom. I've got a strong grass-is-always-greener streak in me. When I'm with someone in a relationship, I can feel bored and discontent. When I'm single, I can feel lonely and unfulfilled. I know of many people who feel similar, to some extent.

My view is that it is wise to recognize this about our nature and make commitments accordingly. I see lifelong commitment as exactly that. It makes certain things possible and other things impossible. It provides some opportunities and it requires the sacrifice of others. It is a choice. And it involves ongoing choices. For life.

I'm not particularly concerned with society's views on the issue. I'm speaking about two consenting adults who entered into such a commitment. It is my view that it is very clear she defected when they had made an agreement to always cooperate. That is all I meant. She wins and he loses because she chose to defect and he never stopped cooperating.

I'm very sensitive to the possibility of "falling out of love" with somebody. I worry about it. I must say, however, the older I get, the more I think that love is choice more than a particular feeling. It is a conscious choice, even sometimes despite your feelings, to place someone else's needs above your own. In turn, you make yourself reliant on them to do the same, though you do nothing to enforce that they follow through. You simply hope and trust. It leaves you incredibly vulnerable (See Gunnar's story).

I've had people love me this way and I took advantage of it. And I've loved people this way and they took advantage of it.

I perhaps should have said it that way, instead of saying she was wrong. She took advantage of him. And that is okay. But that was not the commitment they shared, and her breaking that agreement lead to serious consequences for several parties.