Actually, I feel for her. You were in love, but she simply settled and didn't grow into loving you back. Sharing life with a person you are not physically attracted to for over a decade can be a heavy burden. No wonder she was so desperate, she risked her family for what she never had but always wanted.
That said, your handling of the situation is nothing short of amazing. Hopefully once the dust settles (or even before, given how you are apparently no longer in love with her), you will meet someone you can share intimacy with on equal terms.
To whoever downvoted this: It is not fair to downvote because someone is taking the side/view of the absent party (and balanced so).
Esp. as shminux is right: It was never easy for her.
This is the earlier promised post about Dealing with a Major Personal Crisis. Please continue reading there but comment here.
The reasons for posting it this way are explained at the end of the link. I hope this approach does what I want it to.