About the Spirit of Deathism

I understand that defending deathism is problematic on this forum.

I assume that this is because it is seen as inconsequential, pessimistic and against the spirit of the forum.

I feel that the latter is related to EYs strong opinion on this matter.

I was moved by his account about the death of his brother.

Do I understand as well as he how bad death is?

Do I need to lose a loved one to understand that?

I lost only grandparents until now. I did loose my wife - but not to death, so this presumably doesn't count.

I will lose my father in law to cancer some time in the future.

The loss of that amazing trove of experience - much like a 1000 year old vampire - will hurt. But he is passing on his legacy to the next generation(s) and he is joking that he is already 20 years older than he expected.

So do I understand death? Am I qualified to question death and by doing so question the resolutions formed when dealing with death?

I can hear EYs experience echo from HPMOR - obgu va gur svtug rtnvafg gur qrzragbef naq gur erfbyhgvba nsgre urezvbarf qrngu. (rot13; links here and here). It moved me to tears. Why doesn't it move me to fight death? Or does it?