= 27d567bc2d48d9f40e9ccc20ea370b15)
Gunnar_Zarncke comments on Book Review: Kazdin's The Everyday Parenting Toolkit - Less Wrong
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
= 783df68a0f980790206b9ea87794c5b6)
Loading…= b715d02e85f7b3b4ae65ca3d3e450868)
Subscribe to RSS Feed
Powered by Reddit
= f037147d6e6c911a85753b9abdedda8d)
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
Comments (22)
Indeed. I do not really know why they escalate when they do. I have the feeling that it results from inner motivation to lead and control by the older against the raising resistence of the younger one the one hand and different (incompatible?) emotion regulation of both - namely the older continuously raises the level while the younger handles it relatively smart and cool until he suddenly has enough. Then boom. Trouble is this is a slow process which can go on for a long time below the radar and sometimes not happen at all, e.g. if they don't touch problematic areas esp. competive ones.
Neither do I. But their competition is not a friendly one.
But maybe that is an idea I can follow up on. Not trying to shape cooperation (as they do have a lot of that), but reinforcing positive competition. But probably I have to start with simulation to get that started.
Exactly.
I had and have to use it often enough. But separating them doesn't help. Except for the moment. As Kazdin writes: It comes too late. Whatever the cause, both will think they won (or at least didn't lose) and thus got their reward. So any punishment (time out) has no effect.
The only effect it does have is that they are sparated and I do not want to reinforce separation beteween them. I recognize that they can and do learn a lot from their interaction. I don't want to alienate them of each other. And it shouldn't be necessary. They can play and cooperate for hours - if the agree on a topic. And are in not too bad a mood.
I will try it. I will just have to look out that it doesn't degrade into just another competition and superficial kindness.
I still don't think you are reinforcing separation. You are not giving them a tangible or intangible reward when they separate. Also, I don't see that the mere act of separating them will alienate them from each other.
But I can see that it's plausible that there might be a better strategy than separating them.
If I separate them they immediately switch to other objectives (reading a book, playing lego...) and gain reward from that. It extinguishes the joint play.
I agree that it doesn't alienate them. For that I'd have to reward them for avoiding each other.