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ChristianKl comments on Open thread, 14-20 July 2014 - Less Wrong
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The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane is a evidence-based book that summarizes advice about dealing with social situations. I'm not sure whether it helps in the reading department but it provides practical tips that improve social ability and multiple people on LW recommended the book in the past.
When it comes to reading people in my own experience reading other people has a lot to do with being able to read yourself. Developing my own bodily awareness helped me a lot with reading other people. It gave me awareness of things like when a partner of a conversation tenses up when I say something.
Paul Ekman sells an online course for detecting microexpression to detect emotional states of other people. Paul Ekman is a serious academic psychologist but it's not 100% clear whether all his claims are true in the strong form in which he makes them. If you have money to spend doing his course seem like a good investment.
Creating an Anki deck for Ekman style detection of emotions also seems like a good project from my own perspective. I think a lot of people on LW and in general would appreciate such a deck.
All that said, don't think that you will improve social skills by sitting in front of a book. Improvement comes from actually practicing and doing exercises.
Thanks for the recommendations! Definitely looking into it. Some of the 'theory' stuff is interesting too. Things like the posts on lesswrong that conceptualize offense as a grab for status. Any recommendatons on that front? On 'theory' of social interaction.
If you have to much theory in your head but bad social skills you are likely to analyse the situation in which you are intellectually. As a result your body language might give off signs that you aren't present. Reactions in your face are slightly delayed.
As far as I'm aware ideas like "conceptualize offense as a grab for status" are not strongly evidence based. Of course that doesn't mean that it has to be wrong. There probably some writing in the pickup field that slashes out ideas like that in more detail.
Yeah. I've always found (in other areas) , having a good handle on the theory and concepts involved allows me to grasp it intuitively and apply my knowledge better. I guess in soft science , the theory might be a bit more conjectural. Any writings in particular you think of? Thanks in advance.
When it comes to social situations, normal people have certain emotional reactions to specific stimuli and react based on those stimula. Having theories in your head can reduce you from having natural reactions and acting them out.
I generally think that Friedemann Schulz von Thun model of communication is underappreciated in the Anglo-American discourse.
We covered the model in school in Germany and later when I went to Toastmasters two separate people hold speeches on it. At my university I had a course about personal development by a computer science professor that also covered the model of Schulz von Thun.
Apart from that there isn't specific writing that I would recommend, but other might have recommendations.