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ChristianKl comments on The rational way to name rivers - Less Wrong
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Fast enough that you can do a few hundred of them per page? (Not rhetorical; I don't know.)
Textspeak substitution wouldn't actually be a problem; I don't know why I thought otherwise. And back-conversion to Latin would just require brute-forcing words that don't show up in the dictionary.
Yes, select queries don't take much time when you have an index. Thank Moore's law.