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Jiro comments on Inquiry into community standards - Less Wrong
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"Is" and "Is, defacto" aren't the same thing. Two things can be different, yet for practical purposes be the same.
It might be true that most people you interact with want to put an obligation on the other person to change their behavior when they use the word "rude".
In my case I do separate factual descriptions of behavior from obligations. Nothing I said in this discussion comes from a place of enforcing some norm.
At skeptic.stackexchange I do engage in telling people to stick to norms and vote for closing of questions that I consider to a norm violation. I'm engaging in this conversation in a different spirit.
I don't think people who feel a desire to kill another person can go ahead to make a learning experience. With rudeness I don't have any issue if people who feel that desire act on it and learn their lessons.