Vulture comments on Rationality Quotes September 2014 - Less Wrong
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A couple of those (specifically lines 2, 5, and 11) should probably be "I'm" rather than "I am" to preserve the rhythm.
I disagree with you on 5; it works better as I am than I'm.
EDIT: Also, 9 works better as "I'm"
Really? Huh. I'm counting from "I am the playing..." = 1, and I really can't read line 5 with "I am" so it scans - I keep stumbling over "animal".
I'm counting the same way. With stress in italics,
sounds much better to me than
I should probably note that I read most of the lines with an approximately syllable-sized pause before 'but', and the animal line without that pause. The poem feels to me like it's written mainly in dactylls with some trochees and a final stressed syllable on each line.
Compare with
While I'm at this, how I read lines 9-11 as written
Which definitely break up the rhythm of the first half entirely, which is probably intentional, but particularly line 9 is awkward, which I didn't catch the first pass. If I was trying to keep that rhythm, I'd read it this way:
And be unhappy that "What'ver" is no longer reasonable English, even for poetry.
Perhaps you want whate'er? It sounds a bit archaic, but not wrong.
I don't know much about historical stress patterns, but when I pronounce "whate'er", the stress moves to the second syllable (wut-air), which doesn't improve things.