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the-citizen comments on The Truth and Instrumental Rationality - Less Wrong
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Your parable feels forced enough that I feel it detracts from your message. In fact, I think just having your last two paragraphs would get most of the point across without much sacrifice. (Separate comment for different subject)
What part do you think was forced? So far quite a several others said they didn't mind that part so much, and that actually the second section bothered them. I'll probably make future alterations when I have spare time.