The comment of mine you link is a pretty good description of my break with Classic Poly on this issue. I don't usually use the exact word "ownership", but: he's mine! I liked it so I put a ring on it! I value having the option to transition to monogamy if I want! Mine mine mine! Saying that I was a prompt for realizing that "jealousy conflates love with ownership" makes it sound like you think I don't love my primary, or that you're confused about whether I think he's mine (mine mine mine mine), or that I must be plagued by intolerable jealousy, or... something. I'm puzzled.
it sound like you think I don't love my primary
Oy. Didn't mean anything like that.
Sorry, I was unclear. Or maybe I misunderstood you. Or both. Actually, in what sense he is "yours", is not clear to me. Certainly it does not look like you are restricting the choices he makes, including his choice of an extra romantic partner, or at least not by much. My best guess is that you two get preferential and unfettered access to each other... Anyway, not sure if this is getting anywhere.
Sometimes our minds suddenly "click" and we see a topic in a new light. Or sometimes we think we understand an idea, think it's stupid and ignore attempts to explain it ("yeah, I already know that"), until we suddenly realize that our understanding was wrong.
This kind of insight is supposedly hard to transmit, but it might be worth a try!
So, what kind of important and valuable insights do you wish you had earlier? Could you try to explain briefly what led to the insight, in a way that might help others get it?