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WalterL comments on Open thread, Dec. 15 - Dec. 21, 2014 - Less Wrong
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I was unsure where to post this question; let me know whether it merits its own thread. I also apologize if this post is a bit messy.
If I had to title this post, I might name it, "Optimizing College Activities for a Future Programmer".
I'm a college student at an American school. It's quite a lot of work -- more than I can do in the time given, and I have a study routine that's more efficient than a lot of people I know. I was handling it relatively well last year and still getting enough sleep, exercise, socializing, etc. -- basically all the things I would consider essential for keeping me sane.
I do not do drugs. I do not watch television or movies. I am vegetarian. My room is not decorated and I do not buy expensive items. My socializing thus far has consisted of talking with people over meals while walking around campus. I am not in a relationship. I spend most of my time studying and doing school assignments. I have a relatively good GPA and have worked hard to maintain it. But the work is getting harder and I'm thinking I'll need to start putting less work into my classes and accept a lower GPA, because I cannot compromise the essentials (meditation, sleep, etc.). It's been too stressful to do as much coursework as I've been doing and to skip the essentials.
I plan to pursue a career in software engineering / outside academia. I'm double-majoring in math and CS. I do not plan to get a master's degree or a PhD (at least, not any time soon). I understand that CS students' grades don't matter much, though I do think I can benefit from doing as well as I can in my classes. (But I'm also willing to work less in college to be happy.) I also have a great coding job that I've been neglecting because of my studies, but I don't want to neglect it any longer.
Some questions:
Should I let my grades drop a bit and instead work my coding job and ensure I'm doing the "life essentials" on a daily basis? I will be replacing some of my academic work with programming, which is in my estimation pretty valuable. I'm on a scholarship and it requires that I maintain at least a 2.0 GPA, but I'm quite confident my GPA isn't in danger of dropping that low.
Should I put more emphasis on socializing and forming a network? I don't use Facebook much, and my interests don't intersect with most of my peers' (see the partying / drinking / buying expensive food stuff above). I'd rather spend time with people who are doing interesting things and who I can relate more with (is this bad?), but I'm having trouble finding such people on my campus. How do other "rationalists" form social networks in these kinds of environments, or do they?.. I don't want to miss out on something essential (like developing social skills and / or a network) if it is actually essential. (To be fair, I am a bit awkward and often find I don't have anything to say to my peers, but I think this is again because my interests differ from others'... But maybe I'm wrong.)
How should one pursue the development of social skills? How much time should one put into it, vs. into coding, studying, etc.? Based on what I've read, being friendly and someone people can get along with and want to spend time with can work wonders in all sorts of circumstances. Relative to my peers, I've put less time into meeting and hanging out with people, and I think I'm less socially adept. I'd love to improve. Any suggestions?
On a related note, how can I find people with whom I'm compatible? I frequently run into people I don't want to spend time with, but rarely do I meet people whose presence electrifies me.
Any other general advice? e.g., I haven't read anything outside of class since the summer, and I'm thinking it would be good to read during the semester.
Could you join a fraternity? Best decision I made while in college.
I'm unsure this is the right decision for me, given that I don't particularly enjoy partying or drinking. Why did you join a frat? What did you get out of it?
Also the German name suggests European location which means that fraternities are pretty much dead around here.
The rent is extremely low, and the connections that I made there were valuable. I got my first job from a brother.
On this note: did your social skills improve after joining?
... And, more generally, how should one pursue the development of social skills? How much time should one put into it, vs. into coding, studying, etc.? Based on what I've read, being friendly and someone people can get along with and want to spend time with can work wonders in all sorts of circumstances. Relative to my peers, I've put less time into meeting and hanging out with people, and I think I'm less socially adept.
This is something I'd love to get better at.* Any suggestions?
*That, and finding people with whom I'm compatible. I frequently run into people I don't want to spend time with, but rarely do I meet people whose presence electrifies me.
It's literally practice. Practice basic social skills like telling stories, listening, and relating, and practice getting into a social state.
I don't know. I mean, how can you measure your own social skills? You might think you have a bunch of friends, but what if they are just laughing behind your back? No way to know. I don't think my social skills particularly improved during my time at Psi U, but they were fine going in.
I've got nothing on how one should pursue the development of social skills. Maybe make it a practice to meet a new peer group every couple of months? Part time jobs are great for this. I don't know, seems like there's got to be information on how to be a people person out there, self help books and such. It feels like a common problem.
If he thinks that his workload will ramp up, now isn't a great time to join, because he'll have to spend a semester going through the pledge process.
I do highly recommend fraternities otherwise though - they're a great network and place to meet friends, a good place to practice and develop social skills when interacting with the rest of the Greek system, have a lot of people focused on self-improvement, and they often take care of a lot of the overhead in college (by providing meals, laundry machines, a gym).
This being a good decision is of course contingent upon you actually liking the people in the fraternity as well as the particular attitude of the house in general. And if you're not into the party scene or nights out on the town, it may not be a good cultural fit.