Hi! Lesswrong first came to my attention when I read HPMOR. I took a 2-year course in Knowledge and Inquiry - which includes critical thinking and epistemology (also includes philosophy of science). I was a Christian but reading some articles on Lesswrong and reading counter-arguments to Christianity convinced me otherwise (trying to reduce confirmation bias and trying to falsify the belief of Christianity).

Pardon me for taking this opportunity to express one concern I've had for more than a year. I'm a college student and I am concerned that I am not smart enough expect a net gain in utility by aspiring to rationality (added in edit).

I don't do well in Math (about 60th percentile for multivariable calculus), but consistently do relatively well in Physics, Chemistry, Engineering and Programming modules. (consistently in top 8 percent of students in top university in Asia). I'm in a double degree in Chemical Engineering and Business and on track to receive at least Second Upper in both (First Class in one and Second Upper in the other seems to be the most likely outcome, though of course I am striving for First Class in both. I am usually too pessimistic when it comes to grades and honours).

Yet I find it difficult to multiply two 2-digit numbers in my head. I always forget what numbers I was trying to multiply and the progress of the multiplication so far. I tried Dual N-Back and had to work for half an hour to pass n=2. I can't remember numbers and always make tons of errors in my mathematics work (not switching signs for one or more terms when factoring out a negative number, for example, or just plain getting stuck).

I'm worried that my fluid intelligence just isn't enough. I'm also quite sad at the expectation that my fluid intelligence will decrease throughout my adulthood. I can't find any convincing evidence (maybe a study or something) that fluid intelligence cannot be fully described by mathematical ability (if effort exists). Should I aspire for rationality or am I too stupid?

Thanks!

Edit: I'm also in another predicament - I am no longer a Christian, but I still go to church every week. I treasure the friendship and companionship of my Christian friends. They are really nice and caring people. I cannot predict reliably what their reactions would be to me revealing the current status of my beliefs. I meet them only once a week in church and if I were to stop going to church, our friendship would most likely perish.

There are other benefits to going to church as well: Here, church is a marketplace for contacts and relationships. I believe going to church would help me in the future if I were to go into business.

However, my parents and all my relatives who are descended from my paternal and maternal grandparents are Christians, and most of my extended family beyond that are Christians. My parents are devoted Christians and it would break their hearts to find out that I am no longer a Christian. My relatives would judge me and proclaim me a failure. Most of our Asian community would do the same (Where I'm from, it is considered odd, or mad not to have a mainstream religious belief. We are categorized by religion as much as we are categorized by race). Even if I were to succeed financially, they would say that I am not someone to be trusted because I am somehow immoral for rejecting Christianity.

Would anyone care to offer my some advice?