listic comments on Negative polyamory outcomes? - Less Wrong

14 Post author: atorm 05 January 2015 12:25PM

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Comment author: listic 11 January 2015 09:41:03PM *  -2 points [-]

polyamorous relationship with a "primary" would be a constant battle of sorts to ensure that I have a greater than or equal to number of dating prospects as my partner

Why would you want to do that? Don't you have anything more useful to do with your life?

I look at this hypothetical situation like this:

Situation: I have only one partner who in turn has multiple partners.

Pros:

  • I get to spend time with my partner while not needing to fulfill all of their needs.

Cons:

  • I don't get enough attention from my partner? But his can be discussed and negotiated. I may or may not pursue other partner(s) if I want to; no pressure on me here. Anyway, I'm better off having some of their attention rather than none or full attention of a grumpy partner and no possibility to pursue other partner(s) (the latter because my partner has other needs that I have trouble fulfilling; that's what I would get in case of monogamy)

I don't see any other problems here. Do you?

Comment author: atorm 12 January 2015 02:46:11AM 3 points [-]

I think you're oversimplifying feelings a bit.

Comment author: listic 12 January 2015 09:05:43AM -2 points [-]

I think the onus is on you to explain where do you think I oversimplify.

Comment author: atorm 12 January 2015 02:28:44PM *  1 point [-]

People tend to see relationships as more than contractual exchanges of favors. In this case it seems like gothgirl defines some of his self-worth from his ability to gain/keep partners, or at least draws some utility from having as many as his primary partner does.

People are complicated and get a lot of different things out of their relationships.

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