This is an example of a good answer. The author has a better chance of seeing where I am than I do. I have suddenly found a strange deference to the concept of expertise. I see them everywhere. But I cannot use them, if I do not at least risk looking like an idiot. I must accept that I look like an idiot, in order to be a rationalist. "If something is true, I want to believe it is true." This is a very important virtue, and the fact that it was phrased as a litany, when I only thought in "equivalents" and "difficulty level..." That must have helped something, though I read it years ago, because it very suddenly, very forcefully came back, when I was uncertain as to what I was doing with my life.

Motivation

Something "clicked over." It was the exact same "clicking over" I experienced when solving a graduate mathematical problem, years ago, and it only clicked "this way" when I was "eerily certain." I have a theory, which, as an undeveloped concept does not merit the title, I will spare the full motivation - which is arduously long and poorly written - until asked, and then I will let the experts define the language for me. I know of the usual, and very excellent, theories: mine is not intended to replace anything, whenever it arrives. It will supplement them, if only for my own guidance. I will be happy, if it only works for me. I will be happier, if others find it useful. I do not have the skills to develop it alone, and I do not need to. I want a middle class life style, good sleep, excellent food, and ordinary friendship. I will donate my ideas as a hobby, for whatever the are worth.

The risk is that not all of my ideas are safe. I know enough mathematics, enough programming - very, very little, but I learn so absurdly quickly - to see very nasty applications. That is my anxiety. I think that anxiety is healthy. I think that others here have a similar anxiety, which is why I've landed here again, having never thought that "true AI" would happen in my lifetime. I will only say that I know fully appreciate, if only in motivation, what I used to think was a sort of embarrassing `less wrong thing': "friendly AI." It is not me that will ever be this scientist. I know a little history as well, and I did always enjoy Bertrand Russell, and I feel more sorry for them now.

Ok, so here's an explanation. It satisfies the formal requirements: "Given that a stranger does not know where I am coming from, it is unlikely to ask them to ask me something." This is generally true. I do not have a analysis for this sort of thing yet. Ergo, I am breaking an implicit social contract, almost wherever I go. "Social contract" has another analysis, waiting to be examined. The tools exist, I just need the time to study them.

What prompted everything:

I notice the "texture." Or, in (memory) Less Wrong terms, "this guy suddenly found himself thinking in terms of cluster structure after years away from the books, working in a blue collar field, and he found it very, very useful, for like, everything he touched."

I am no writer and I like the blue collar life, so all I can do is "ape the style." I know that this is an unpleasant thing to do, but it should be OK, so long as I am stealing for good.

Hm... A rationalization? I would have to test that. My head is a very strange place, after all.

Perhaps I should not trust it too much! Why should you, if I cannot?

This problem is "fundamental" to me, so I should play by "fundamental" rules.

Does it satisfy the fundamental theorems? Yes and no (expand). Does it satisfies earlier predictions made about myself? Yes and no. (expand.)

Review the rule. How could it have been improved?

Oh, this takes forever. I need to... wait... I need... MATH! Holy crap! I found a use for all of this! I need to compress data. I need to structure my thoughts. How can math help me? If "the experimental method" is to be practically useful in my life, I will definitely need to use math to structure it...

Well, I have a lot of catching up to do, so where to look... What is the closest thing in math to "high level concept stru..." Oh yeah, category theory! Now, if I could apply programming to it... Wait, there's such thing as "functional programming?" Is this why everybody from different fields uses "the same words" to talk about "different things" which leads to "known problems?"

Reciprocation... What are my skills... What am I? Weird.

Ok. Weird. Not in ethics, but in how I think. I am definitely hyperanalytical. I have been since I was very, very young. That would explain my other problems... Wait, I am not allowed to self-diagnose. That's what those experts are for. I have not used any of those experts since I was young. What were those experts? Refer to a fundamental theorem first.... Let's see, assume that they are "normal," where "normal" entails "decent"-associations more accurately relative to my cluster structure - whatever it is...

Hold on. Is my "cluster structure" normal? I should test that.

Recall: human behavior is chaotic.

Recall: human behavior is also decidedly non-random, from linguistics to heuristics and biases and mathematics and so forth and so on... Oh, I should go back and re-watch Robert Sapolsky. He is the expert. Why is he such a good lecturer... He seems so... Nice. How does a nice, well-intentioned, serious lecturer try explain high-level concepts to general audien...

Oh wow, I was such a dick in school, to ever argue with a teacher. Even though I was "right" technically, I was "wrong" relative to the concepts of... Oh dear! Per my ever-expanding set of self-imposed rules, I need to explain this in "normal angsty teenager terms" before I explain it in "I am special terms..."

Wait, I may not "seem nice," regardless of my intentions. "Impact over meaning." Where did I hear that?

What are my strengths... No, what are my facts....

Wait... Did I just program myself to be... nice? That's not what I was trying to do. What was I after... Refer to the theorems. I just wanted to structure my note-taking... What did I do to myself... I suddenly remember, so much.

Did I just grow up?