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Dahlen comments on Open Thread, Apr. 13 - Apr. 19, 2015 - Less Wrong
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Should I consider it a rationality failure if I exhibit resistance to psychotherapy? I know that CBT is supposed to help a person overcome the sorts of maladaptive thinking & behavior patterns that got them in the kind of trouble that convinced them to seek out therapy in the first place. CBT psychotherapists are probably the most mainstream people to even promote more rational thinking. But I have trouble following through.
For one, I cannot answer certain questions in the frame which my therapist imposes because I intellectually reject the assumptions that underlie them. Even when they're supposed to be established science. I just cannot map them unto my own experience. My therapist says I'm not giving her enough to work with.
For another, I do not fully agree with the psychological establishment on what constitutes "healthy", adaptive, rational behaviour and would not like myself to adhere to even the closest variation on mental normality. There are areas of myself which I do not wish to display as "up for fixing", and do not allow interference other than my own in those areas. I consider myself rational enough to debug myself, if and only if I decide an intervention is warranted. Otherwise, I like and accept myself as I am, I consider most of my traits, broadly speaking, as part of my ideal self, and would like to preserve most aspects about myself. While I'm not very sure that a therapist can or would be sufficiently subtle or insidious to modify me in a direction of which I do not approve, I'm worried that this is a possibility or that it is required in order to get any positive effects out of it.
For the record, I do therapy for ameliorating depression. The cause of depression is a failed relationship with someone I loved, which I may have allowed to get stuck in a negative feedback loop. (Then again, it's probably likely it would have failed without any negative feedback on my part.) I'm on meds as well. It's understandable to feel bad in this situation, I can't help feeling bad about it, and I'm not sure what a therapist can do to help me out of it. If I can recover on my own and with the aid of antidepressants, without having to waste time on therapy for it, I'd gladly do it, but I have the lingering doubt that the shrink may be right after all and I might need to get my head checked.
On of the most important things for therapy to work is to have an alliance between the client and the therapist. It's important to have an agreement about where you want to go.
To me it seems like you have no idea where you want to go that's more specific than "I don't want to be depressed."
To get positive effects you indeed have to allow change. On the other hand everybody has the right to suffer as much as the want. You are allowed to have "being happy" not on top of your list of priorities.
Well, yes, basically. I said as much to my psychotherapist as well.
My question is, change in what? There's little I can change about my beliefs that would improve my mood, aside from becoming implausibly optimistic about my future. Change in baseline happiness? For one, that seems genetically determined; for another, when I don't get my heart broken I'm in a stable, content, neutral disposition, so it's not that. Change in goals? I've considered that, but it's just the kind of thing to make me more depressed, seeing as I'm not bloody asking for much if I want to have one relationship with a person of my choosing (a hypothetical someone in my future, not the lost cause I've been pursuing) in which nobody's deceiving anybody; it feels a lot like admitting defeat.
Please don't.
How do you think you know that? Maybe some of your beliefs or aliefs are causing wrong actions that are making you sad. From what you say elsewhere in your comment, it sounds like your depression is triggered by romantic failure, so changes to beliefs that help you relate to people better probably could improve your mood. In fact, your particular case of wanting "a relationship . . . in which nobody's deceiving anybody" sounds like a good one for CBT. (Or rather for fixing with rationality-type changes in general, I don't know enough about CBT vs. other therapies to really say.)
There are basically two ways:
1) You have an idea about what to change about yourself. You go to a psychotherapist and tell him: "Hey, I want to change XYZ about myself." Then the psychotherapist says: "I think that would be good for you, I think I can bring you there, let's work together to get you there."
2) You give up control and let the psychotherapist mold you. He will work on changing things about you he considers supoptimal. That requires trust and going into a vulnerable state.
I think that's unlikely to be true. Most people hold a bunch of crappy beliefs. Maybe even aliefs.
Generally antidepressants aren't given out to get people over a breakup. How long ago did that event happen?
That's a goal where a therapist or relationship coach could help you develop in a positive direction. If your present therapist isn't up for that goal, you are open to search for a different one.