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Gunnar_Zarncke comments on How my social skills went from horrible to mediocre - Less Wrong
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For me it's somewhat different: If somebody is angry at me and insults me, I know that it's not because of me that the person is insulting, It's instead caused by the person's history and their perception of me in relation to it. If they convey factual information of my behavior that I might profitably change for all involved I (try to) do so. But I almost never see it as my 'fault'. So people can't hurt me (almost never could).
This is a fleshed out version of what I meant :-).
Hm. Interesting. I saw the difference between my and your description as "their perception of me" vs. "my perception of them". But now it looks like "my perception of them vs. my perception of their perception of my perception of them" but that's probably sufficiently near a perception-fixpoint to count as the same..