someonewrongonthenet comments on Strategies and tools for getting through a break up - Less Wrong

27 Post author: lululu 18 May 2015 06:01PM

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Comment author: someonewrongonthenet 19 May 2015 05:00:28AM *  1 point [-]

Interesting...that's impressively fast, well done! Would be interested in an update if you still feel this way in a few months if you don't mind (loss sometimes doesn't really hit till later)

Also, gender? Gender differences are nontrivial here (apparently due to gender differences in caretaking and number of friends, but I do wonder if that's really all it is...but even then i imagine with a depressed partner you had a big caretaking load)

Comment author: lululu 14 July 2015 03:41:51PM 0 points [-]

Update added as an addendum above!

Comment author: someonewrongonthenet 15 September 2015 12:53:17AM 0 points [-]

Thanks for the update! It's hopeful / helpful to know that the quick recovery was indeed fairly permanent. Wish I could say my process was going that well!

Comment author: lululu 19 May 2015 09:38:58PM 1 point [-]

I will definitely update in a few months! I'm curious too...

Very interesting link! Gender differences are definitely non-trivial, I'm just not sure in which ways.

In my specific case he had a slightly easier time securing post-breakup dates because he already was dating someone (however that someone is pretty emotionally unhealthy by any measure, herself going through a psychological crisis). My low conscientiousness meant that, despite improving in this realm, he did more of the traditional caretaking (chores, cooking, cleaning), meanwhile I got a heavier emotional caretaking load. He is certainly more socially isolated than me. And the break up definitely hit him harder.

I wish I could speak more to gender in a general way, I'm just not sure exactly how a breakup differently effects someone who is not my gender, and I have a very hard time in my case of separating which effects are gendered and which are personal (depression, consciousnesses, etc)