Ask OB: Leaving the Fold

Eliezer Yudkowsky

I thought this comment from "Jo" deserved a bump to the front page:

"So here I am having been raised in the Christian faith and trying not to freak out over the past few weeks because I've finally begun to wonder whether I believe things just because I was raised with them. Our family is surrounded by genuinely wonderful people who have poured their talents into us since we were teenagers, and our social structure and business rests on the tenets of what we believe. I've been trying to work out how I can 'clear the decks' and then rebuild with whatever is worth keeping, yet it's so foundational that it will affect my marriage (to a pretty special man) and my daughters who, of course, have also been raised to walk the Christian path.

Is there anyone who's been in this position - really, really invested in a faith and then walked away?"

Handling this kind of situation has to count as part of the art. But I haven't gone through anything like this. Can anyone with experience advise Jo on what to expect, what to do, and what not to do?

Followup to: Crisis of Faith

I thought this comment from "Jo" deserved a bump to the front page:

"So here I am having been raised in the Christian faith and trying not to freak out over the past few weeks because I've finally begun to wonder whether I believe things just because I was raised with them. Our family is surrounded by genuinely wonderful people who have poured their talents into us since we were teenagers, and our social structure and business rests on the tenets of what we believe. I've been trying to work out how I can 'clear the decks' and then rebuild with whatever is worth keeping, yet it's so foundational that it will affect my marriage (to a pretty special man) and my daughters who, of course, have also been raised to walk the Christian path.

Is there anyone who's been in this position - really, really invested in a faith and then walked away?"

Handling this kind of situation has to count as part of the art. But I haven't gone through anything like this. Can anyone with experience advise Jo on what to expect, what to do, and what not to do?

Well, more like I'm a bit disappointed that no one has spoken up who's been through this, and said, "Yes, I've been there: First, don't X your husband, then don't Y your children, and about the job, Z worked fine for me..." or something like that. It's not skepticism that's the issue here - it's how to rebuild your life afterward.

The only piece of advice I have to offer from personal experience is that your family might have already doubted more than you think - though I'm from an Orthodox Jewish family, and I don't know if that carries over to Christianity. But I was shocked at how much my parents already knew about the archaeology that discredits Judaism - apparently without this causing them to give up their belief-in-belief. I was shocked that they'd known that much and never mentioned it to me, which I take as a kind of betrayal all things considered...

But if that carries over at all, it would be the possibility that the people around you, especially your husband who is of your own generation and neither older nor very young, has already doubted more than he's said to you. I don't know if it's enough. It wasn't enough for my parents. But it's one little thing to keep in mind.

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Ask OB: Leaving the Fold

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Ask OB: Leaving the Fold

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