Ask OB: Leaving the Fold

Eliezer Yudkowsky

I thought this comment from "Jo" deserved a bump to the front page:

"So here I am having been raised in the Christian faith and trying not to freak out over the past few weeks because I've finally begun to wonder whether I believe things just because I was raised with them. Our family is surrounded by genuinely wonderful people who have poured their talents into us since we were teenagers, and our social structure and business rests on the tenets of what we believe. I've been trying to work out how I can 'clear the decks' and then rebuild with whatever is worth keeping, yet it's so foundational that it will affect my marriage (to a pretty special man) and my daughters who, of course, have also been raised to walk the Christian path.

Is there anyone who's been in this position - really, really invested in a faith and then walked away?"

Handling this kind of situation has to count as part of the art. But I haven't gone through anything like this. Can anyone with experience advise Jo on what to expect, what to do, and what not to do?

Followup to: Crisis of Faith

I thought this comment from "Jo" deserved a bump to the front page:

"So here I am having been raised in the Christian faith and trying not to freak out over the past few weeks because I've finally begun to wonder whether I believe things just because I was raised with them. Our family is surrounded by genuinely wonderful people who have poured their talents into us since we were teenagers, and our social structure and business rests on the tenets of what we believe. I've been trying to work out how I can 'clear the decks' and then rebuild with whatever is worth keeping, yet it's so foundational that it will affect my marriage (to a pretty special man) and my daughters who, of course, have also been raised to walk the Christian path.

Is there anyone who's been in this position - really, really invested in a faith and then walked away?"

Handling this kind of situation has to count as part of the art. But I haven't gone through anything like this. Can anyone with experience advise Jo on what to expect, what to do, and what not to do?

I would suggest taking a hard look at the elements of your social support network, and trying to determine which would sever their links with you if they knew you were not a Christian.

I do not agree that you are compelled not to lie to people. Truth is a valuable thing, and shouldn't be wasted on those unworthy of it.

Consider that Carl Sagan's protagonist in "Contact", Ellie Arroway, claimed to be a Christian, despite being an atheist. Look carefully at the arguments she offered regarding that claim, and see if they can be adapted to your life.

I would recommend that you refuse to claim beliefs that you do not hold, or participate in actions that suggest you believe those things. Reciting the Creed if you do not accept it is out. Taking Communion if you reject the beliefs that form the basis of fellowship in your church is out. So on and so forth. Don't go to confession if you don't believe you need to confess. Etc. etc.

15

Ask OB: Leaving the Fold

15

15

15

Ask OB: Leaving the Fold

15

15