I think nerds fantasize about women being more like men psychologically in the sense of them being the ones who take initiative and risk loss of face in courtship.

You know when you generalize about "Women", you are probably going to annoy most the females on here, who tend to be less gender-normative. (I'm not saying it's "right", I'm just saying it's likely to happen.)

For example, there are those of us who are quite willing to take initiative. I expect you'll find a higher percentage of females in rationalist communities v. general population fall into this camp, as they are more likely to examine research which has shown that when a female chases a male, she is more likely to end up with a higher quality mate.

The theory is that if she waits for guys to ask her, she is operating in "rejection mode", where instead of going after exactly what she wants, she ends up with the lowest common denominator of a guy she's dated that didn't get rejected. (I don't have time to find and back this up with a link to said research, but feel free to post it if you find it, or if you find research that shows the opposite).

It has certainly been my experience that if i just go after a guy I am interested in (ask him out, make the first moves, etc), I am more likely to end up with what I want, versus if I only date guys who chase me.