I enjoyed it initially, but the enormous, self-righteous rant on the nature 'confessors' which are clearly a self insert of what the author clearly likes to see himself as really broke immersion.

I'm curious as to how you think the confessor is intended a self-insert given the confessor's horrible history. Am I misinterpreting what you've said?

The writing style's still a lot better than your Harry Potter fanfic, which is still unreadable.

The writing style's strike me as very similar. Are you sure you aren't just seeing differences due to who it is aimed at? Also, is there a chance you can make more constructive criticism about what makes one unreadable and what the differences are?

Nice job on improving it, even if you had to throw your masturbatory fantasies in.

I'm not aware of any aspect of the story that obviously throws in Eliezer's "masturbatory fantasies" - it might help to note that a story can have sex, even strange sex, and not have it because the author is writing about their own personal fetishes. Also note that this remark comes across as uncivil. Unfortunately, while Less Wrong is a community that prides itself on rationality, people (both on LW and elsewhere) often use civility as a proxy for rationality. I suspect this has contributed to your downvotes.