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HughRistik comments on Mate selection for the men here - Less Wrong
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I, speaking from whatever position of expertise you care to suspect of me based on my gender, have the following input:
While not all women find intelligence an appealing trait, the ones who do (and these are probably the ones people here should be pursuing) tend to avoid (or break up with) adequately smart guys not because they aren't smart enough, but because they are lacking in some other dimension (niceness, attentiveness, ideological conflict, and lack of indefinable romantic spark are some of the ones I've heard). There seems to be a general tendency to suspect that if a girl likes that her boyfriend is intelligent, and then the relationship cools, the solution is for him to try to become smarter/more knowledgeable (or signal smartness/knowledge more strongly). I have never seen this work.
It is my suspicion that the audience of Less Wrong is near-universally already smart enough to meet the minimum intelligence standards of anyone who finds intelligence appealing and isn't aiming outrageously high. While becoming smarter is a great thing to do for other reasons, if the idea is to locate a girlfriend, your time as a single male rationalist might be better spent concentrating on not being a jerk, preserving and consolidating spare time to spend on a girlfriend, and looking through the available females in your area to find one who is basically agreeable and spark-y with you in particular.
Agreed, but "trying not to be a jerk" might not be the most productive approach for those who need that advice the most, if the problem is that they don't understand why they are being considered a jerk. What they would really need is a better model of the other person's responses, which would lead them to understand why they would be seen as a jerk in the first place.
I'll also observe the opposite problem: being perceived as overly submissive may be a turnoff for some women, too.
Agreed.
Looking at the women available in reality is indeed the best heuristic, rather than trying to define in advance the prototype of the ideal woman and then try to approximate her as best as possible in real life, or try to turn real life women into that image. That approach is problematic because it is too theoretical and not empirical enough: it may lead to disappointment when reality doesn't hold up to a poorly conceived, unnecessary, or just flat out wrong ideal. A better approach is to actually interact with women and to discover through experience what qualities to look for, and because you might find compatibility with someone when you didn't expect it.
Of course, as Silas observes, this advice only applies for men who actually have choices among the women around.
"Some" is an important word here. Some women like their boyfriends to come pre-domesticated, especially for long-term-relationship purposes. If one can pull off "domesticated" without it turning into "spineless loser", that can be made to work.