hg00 comments on The map of cognitive biases, errors and obstacles affecting judgment and management of global catastrophic risks - All
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http://lesswrong.com/lw/l0/adaptationexecuters_not_fitnessmaximizers/
Anyway, it sounds like you've gone through a lot. I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. I hope that someday you will have joyful experiences that help you put your current suffering in perspective.
Thank you for the kind words.