I once attended an annual convention of classic-appliances afficionados, to keep my husband company, and remember being somewhat disoriented by being surrounded by a community of nerds with whom I simply did not resonate in the slightest, while at the same time clearly recognizing what they were doing as what nerds do when we congregate. It has been a useful memory to keep in mind when watching people be alienated by my own community... affinity is more contingent/superficial than I would necessarily prefer.