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j_andrew_rogers comments on Social Necessity of Drinking - Less Wrong Discussion
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For #1, having to drive, work, go to another important function, or being required to drink more later at some other function seems to be an acceptable occasional excuse but not a permanent one.
On #3, many cultures have sayings and aphorisms that share the idea that people who do not drink are not as trustworthy in various contexts. Much of it seems to follow from the idea that people are more honest when they've had a drink or two, and therefore people who do not drink are hiding their true character. The display of honesty is considered a trust-building exercise. I recall a proverb (Persian?) to the effect that people should not agree to serious matters sober that they have not discussed drunk.
On #2, if you must drink socially then drink very slowly. This can be developed to a fine art such that you are participating but consuming very little alcohol in fact. Also, there are also drinks you can order at any bar that have low alcohol content and large volume e.g. a redeye (tomato juice and light beer).
At the very least, refusing to drink can be seen as an attempt to empower yourself - let other people get stupider and more irrational (drunk) while remaining in full possession of your own mental powers. I recall at least one PUA page which described how to get the bartender to serve you watered down drinks (or water period) while your female targets get the full-strength alcohol.
It did occur to me soon after posting that drinking slowly (to the point that it's basically not at all) would allow me to give the impression that I'm drinking, an honest answer when people ask "what are you drinking?" with minimal side effects.
The drinks I'm able to mostly enjoy tend to be "fruity" drinks that have... signaling issues.
I'm now reminded of being challenged by a somewhat belligerent drunk once to the general effect of "What are you, a fag or something?" in reaction to some bit of insufficiently masculine signaling or another.
The response "Yes, actually, why do you ask?" really bewildered him.
I assume you identify as straight, which makes that approach less viable, but it can sometimes be worth being aware of the signaling benefits of confidently ignoring peripheral rules.
Oh I totally agree with that. I've spent the bulk of my life deliberately ignoring whatever social conventions I wanted to, and I can actually manage a fairly confident response when challenged about it. (I occasionally wear a lab coat and/or top hat, and when asked why I'm wearing it, my response is "Huh? Why aren't you?")
But I'm trying right now to get a decent familiarity with "the rules" so that when I choose to break them, it's a conscious decision I'm making from a position of strength and knowledge, rather than ignorance and an inability to blend in if I needed to.
A whisky sour is the an ok compromise between fruity and manly.