XiXiDu, I have been reading your comments for some time, and it seems like your reaction to this whole rationality business is unique. You take it seriously, or at least part of you does; but your perspective is sad and strange and pessimistic. Yes, even more pessimistic than Roko or Mass Driver. What you are taking away from this blog is not what other readers are taking away from it. The next step in your rationalist journey may require something more than a blog can provide.

From one aspiring rationalist to another, I strongly encourage you to talk these things over, in person, with friends who understand them. If you are already doing so, please forgive my unsolicited advice. If you don't have friends who know Less Wrong material, I encourage you to find or make them. They don't have to be Less Wrong readers; many of my friends are familiar with different bits and pieces of the Less Wrong philosophy without ever having read Less Wrong.