This might be a suitable approach, though I think in the "schism," she's simply assumed from the start that I'm wrong. Moving forward, it never seems to matter what I say or do -- many people who she respects and who are quite a bit older and more knowledgeable of theology exist. It's easy for her to ride their coattails.

I would say that she's in a situation of not owning her reasons, and thus she likes to exert the implications of what these other, older people think and recommend (raising our kids Catholic, me trying until my death bed to believe, etc.) but when pressed on any specific point, she's unable to speak to the logic or implications because they are not really her arguments/thoughts.

This is also frustrating because, well, she's my wife! It's disappointing to have someone who respected your intellect and decision making retract their vote of confidence in favor of the views of others to the point where there's really no open discussion going on anymore. She seems so scared of something (more in a sec) in conversations that she's been quite prone to saying things I don't even think she means.

Last night we were talking and she brought up how the OT prophecies came true in Jesus. I asked for an example and she said something vague about Moses and Jesus. I said, "Do you mean that like Moses led the Israelites out of slavery from their bondage in Egypt, Jesus leads us out of slavery and bondage to the evil one and sin?" She agreed that this was what she meant.

I then asked what she would say if I told her that archaeologists have never found any evidence to support anything like the Exodus portrayed in the OT and that some doubt that a figure named "Moses" even existed.

Her response was, "I don't care what you think. You're finite." Then we got into a lengthy discussion of why she actually should care if she thinks that the OT/NT connection between Moses/Jesus is a basis for her belief. I think we may have resolved the discussion in her stating that it wasn't really a basis for belief.

The same occurred when she vaguely said that the Bible and "those other people who wrote about Jesus" were all she needed. I asked who "those other people" where and what they said. She didn't know. It turned out that her notion of these people actually came from me, and that she had internalized my statements as what the wrote being a support for Jesus' authenticity.

In fact, this was my first seed of doubt. If what the gospels claimed about Jesus were true... I found it absolutely preposterous that if someone alive at the same time had the inclination to write about him, they would write only a few lines and state nothing of his miracles, deeds, fame, or the like. So, she obviously could't have meant that, either.

I actually did bring up (before reading your comment) that I found it frustrating when talking to her that it seemed like we didn't even agree on common starting points for approaching the world, and gave as an example her responses that, "I don't need an explanation for everything to believe it." I suggested that in every other area of life, she probably doesn't actually believe that, stating that she would hope that an explanation exists for why her internal combustion engine provides power rather than explodes.

She ended up agreeing that evidence was, actually, important. So there was progress made.

I didn't handle the discussion so well. It's very difficult for me to be gentle but also defend myself. She got quite emotional. When I asked what bothered her the most, she said it was thinking down the road of our friends taking her kids through the sacraments and our kids not being able to participate (how to raise our two daughters is still quite a debated "hot topic") and how monumental a celebration these things are.

Back to what she's scared of. It was incredibly interesting to me that this was what bothered her so much. When I doubted, I was scared (and still am) about not being aligned with the best explanation of "what is." For whatever reason, it actually wasn't difficult to walk away from religion at all if it was false. It's more dealing with the emotional/social consequences and deciding when "enough is enough" on the research front. For her, I was just shocked that this is what had her so troubled.

And this led me to wonder if it really is mostly about community, experiences, relationships, wanting to provide imagined "snapshots" of parties and fun for our kids as they go through these various rituals, etc. I'm not sure what to make of this, but it might be my first experience with someone who literally has belief in belief.

I think she might be far more scared of not having the benefits she associates with belief rather than actually believing wrongly. For me, it was always (unless I'm fooling myself), the latter.

I feel that many of my comments have had pretty negative connotations regarding my wife. I'd like to at least add an addendum that I do care for her greatly and that she is one of the most other-aware, caring people I know. I'm a selfish a-hole compared to her and I can't believe the level of forgiveness and tolerance she has for me and others.