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CharlesR comments on Recent de-convert saturated by religious community; advice? - Less Wrong Discussion
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TheOtherDave hits on some great points. I don't have much to add except to say I don't see so much a distinction between 'breaking' a promise and 'repudiating' one. In both cases, you break the promise. When you 'repudiate' you have good reasons.
I cannot stress enough the importance of TheOtherDave's point 1. The conditions of your relationship are different. Whether the marriage succeeds or fails will depend on what sort of new agreements you are able to reach.
If you haven't already done so, it might be a good idea to sit down with your wife and write down all the areas of contention so you are clear what they are. If you're seeing a therapist, you can do this in your regular session. Hold off on proposing solutions. Just get them all down. (But not every area of contention, just those that can be traced back to your change of worldview.) Then take them one at a time.
While you're doing all this, keep in mind, you have an unfair advantage. You can remember what it was like to be a Christian. She can't remember what it's like to be an atheist.
Thanks for sharing.
That's a great idea. We didn't so much write down contentions in our therapy session, but listed what we'd like to see improve if we could fast forward and be looking at ideal, future versions of ourselves. Not the same, but similar. I think listing the hurdles themselves might be more direct and tangible than working from the indirect method of just painting a mental image without such hurdles pictures.
Good point, though I think my ability to really "relive" my former mindset is quite diminished.
The distinction I had in mind is that between "I promised I wouldn't X, and I Xed, but I continue to consider myself bound by that promise and I would like us to consider that an isolated failure" on the one hand, and "I promised I wouldn't X, but I no longer consider myself bound by that promise and would like us to consider it no longer in force."