jwhendy comments on Recent de-convert saturated by religious community; advice? - Less Wrong Discussion
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Interesting. I'll have to check that out, but it tracks well with Steven Pinker's discussion of similar things in Blank Slate (amazon link), which he summarizes briefly in this TED Talk.
The talk is fascinating, especially his discussion about "twin studies," where he seems to echo much of what you suggested above. IIRC, he rated genes and peer groups as having the top influences on children. Takes a load off :)