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GabrielDuquette comments on [LINK] Ethical Pick-Up Artistry (Clarisse Thorn) - Less Wrong Discussion
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Except that I live my entire life this way. Does this mean I get everything I want? Of course not. But it does mean that I have zero suspicions about why people are motivated to know me.
It might just be that I have much more anxiety about dishonesty than your average PUA proponent.
I'm glad you found something that worked for you. What worked for me was a bit different. By learning to hide insecurity and anxiety, rather than display it "honestly," I actually felt those feelings less and less.
There are definitely times that I hide insecurity and anxiety in order to succeed socially. And it does work. What I've noticed, though, is that the need to do that is an excellent barometer of who I should be spending my time with. Meaning, if I feel totally at ease about voicing my insecurity and anxiety, I'm most likely dealing with a "keeper." Do you find this is true for you?
I would agree, once you actually get into the context of a friendship or relationship. I thinking of the earlier stages of interaction, where people who are socially struggling often hit a wall.
Just found your post on this topic. Updating my beliefs accordingly.
If interactions are uncomfortable and confusing, I wonder about the value of a silent, inner acknowledgement like "I may be wrong about what I think I want." It seems to me that the entire PUA community has quietly decided that equal footing in courtship is not only hopelessly naive, but dangerously delusional.
Maybe it's, just, well... hard. A lot of worthwhile things are.
Many would say that equal footing in courtship is not the default and that disadvantage is not something they need to settle for.
That they are willing to spend long hours of practice at creating their social skills suggests that they both acknowledge the difficulty and expect the experience to be worthwhile.
Not shooting for equal footing is settling. Unless they are more motivated by winning, in which case, it's a category error on my part.
EDIT: I just want to point out that, in this discussion with you, I'm simultaneously motivated by a desire to win and a desire to have the most accurate understanding of the world. But, I bet you know which one I'm more motivated by. And more importantly, why.