It's pretty easy to see why the Victorians were wrong. The social norms (especially middle class) cherished female chastity, since chastity is an important virtue for monogamous societies. This is because men are more reluctant to form long-term mating commitments to women with a reputation for strong sex desire (this increases paternal uncertainty). So over centuries, the parochial assumption that women were genuinely chaste would have become common among men. Now that female chastity is out, marriage rates are declining, and we seem to be evolving to a more "forager" sexual style (this trend is currently incomplete).
I've also read anti-porn radical feminists who argue that women only pretend to accept male use of porn (or bondage/discipline in the bedroom) to seem "cool", when really they find it disgusting/evil.
I've also seen "women can't enjoy Penis-in-Vagina sex and any who believe they do are sufferring from Trauma Bonding" but only among people who, as far as I can tell, identify as anti-third wave feminists first, and radical feminists second.
There was a historical shift in beliefs.
I find this very odd. How could a major cultural lineage be wrong about something so much a part of ordinary experience?
When I say wrong, I don't necessarily mean that we're right, or the ancients were right, though there's a lot of evidence that the Victorians were wrong.
My favorite theory is that people's amount of desire for sex varies sufficiently that there's enough noise to make it easy to see patterns that aren't there. I leave the possibility open that there was a change (possibly dietary) which affected libido levels differently between men and women.
People are sufficiently punitive about sex that there's going to be lies and misdirection to support the current theory about how people are supposed to be.