There, I've just caused you to scramble a vast array of concentration gradients, proteins tumbling around in a merry free-for-all.

You probably haven't actually, anymore then when you shake your hands vigorously back and forth the germs fly off. The force applied for so small a time is unlikely to have much of an effect on the cells which are dominated by chemical interactions,osmotic pressures,etc. Things don't scale the way you'd like them to. Your whole argument is just invalid.

Edit to incorporate a point made below: which is good as if you scrambled the proteins in your brain, you'd die.