Instead of Eliezer's original "Long ago, and far away, ever so long ago" (which I agree is repetitive), what about just "Far away/And ever so long ago" for that stanza?

There's probably a way to work it in using only a few lines, you don't need the whole Shadowy figure section. If you work in this part:

"Nice! Have you looked at this planet lately? We also bear all those other emotions that evolved, too - which would tell you very well that we evolved, should you begin to doubt it. Humans aren't always nice."

We're one hell of a lot nicer than the process that produced us, which lets elephants starve to death when they run out of teeth, and doesn't anesthetize a gazelle even as it lays dying and is of no further importance to evolution one way or the other. It doesn't take much to be nicer than evolution. To have the theoretical capacity to make one single gesture of mercy, to feel a single twinge of empathy, is to be nicer than evolution. How did evolution, which is itself so uncaring, create minds on that qualitatively higher moral level than itself? How did evolution, which is so ugly, end up doing anything so beautiful?

Then you can probably fit Beyond the Reach of God in there somewhere.

One potential solution: shorten the part on tribal politics and put the above in instead--it's more poetic and has less of a technical style.