Last month, two people far at the periphery of my social circles have threatened suicide. Seems like a sign for me to learn some ledge-fu.
I reviewed the stuff I'd learned back in high school ("Listen." "Be supportive." "Don't argue." "Etc etc etc.") I have trouble believing that this would work outside of movieland, especially on strangers. More so, in person I'm an awkward, fidgeting introvert---the impact of everything I say is thus diminished, and I sound very insincere or clinical, like I'm following a bad movie script, when I say anything like, "You are not alone in this. I’m here for you." or "How can I best support you right now?" I doubt that this would sound any better in writing.
I suppose I could split my question into two related ones: what would you say to a person threatening to commit suicide, 1. in person, and 2. in an email?
I'm looking for out-of-the-box ideas that don't rely on charisma or compassion shining through. Personally, if I ever need to talk myself out of suicidal thoughts, I apply the "bum comparison principle": if my life is so crummy that I'm willing to commit suicide, then I should be willing to just walk out on everything I value and drift off in a random direction, survive by dine-and-dashing out of cheap restaurants and wash dishes if I get caught, maybe take odd jobs or hitchhike or gather roots and berries or blog from public libraries. I don't see this possibility in a negative light, and yet I still haven't done it. To me, it means that however bad my life may seem, I'm still too attached to it to walk out; therefore, suicide isn't on the menu.
People have different reasons to want suicide, and I understand that what works for me with my first world problems probably won't work for a person who is in too much physical pain from an incurable disease. To the best of my knowledge, the two people I mentioned earlier are both unskilled laborers who had lost their jobs, one of them so long ago that he's no longer eligible for unemployment benefits. I don't think I'll meet these particular people again, but I'd appreciate everyone's thoughts on what I could've said if my brain hadn't frozen.
YMMV. Its not about rational proof, but rather what works for you. For YEARS the idea that before I would ever kill myself I would just go live under the boardwalk at Santa Cruz and drink 1/2 gallon bottles of red wine was an extremely comforting thought. In my later life as I have contemplated my own demise, I remember that and think how much harder it is now to take comfort from that, but not impossible.
In my case, I recognize any suicidal thoughts as just frustration, signalling, wanting to call the world's bluff. I NEVER want to kill myself when I am happy, its not a rational thing at all.
Along these lines I would imagine bringing the person to a happier frame of mind. Explore things the person might want to talk about and get him talking about those. When we are intereacting we are connected, when we are connected we don't generally want to be dead.
I am talking through my hat, I don't know anything about these topics from any sort of study.
This reminds me that I've read that for some people, having access to suicide is very comforting even if they never use it.