In chapter 2, people don't leave a room to laugh the way Harry's parents do.
Also chapter, 2, McGonagall's final statement while amusing isn't something she should have sufficient data on to say yet.
The entire SPEW thing took way too long. Moreover, it actually comes across as accidentally anti-feminist. Harry is dealing with the terrible atrocity that is Azkaban and Hermione's equivalent is fighting school bullies? And even that requires assistance from Harry?
For readers that don't know what a horcrux is since they haven't read the original books (which at this point is probably quite a few), what Voldemort did to the Pioneer plaque that is much harder to figure out. At least some minimal explanation would have been good. This can probably still get remedied. But I'm really worried that their existence is going to come across later as some sort of diabolus ex machina.
Warning: As per the official spoiler policy, the following discussion may contain unmarked spoilers for up to the current chapter of the Methods of Rationality. Proceed at your own risk.
Assume HPMOR was written by a super-intelligence implementing the CEV of Eliezer Yudkowsky and assorted literary critics. What would it have written differently?
... is what I want to know, but that's hard to answer. So here's an easier question:
In what ways do you think Eliezer's characterisations/world-building/plot-fu are sub-optimal? <optional> How could they be made less sub-optimal? </optional>
(My own ideas are in the comments.)
To put it another way... Assume a group of intrepid fanfic writers in the late 2020s are planning to write a reboot. What parts of Eliezer's story do you think they should tweak?
And just to make sure we're all on the same page: Eliezer isn't going to go back and change anything he's written to bring it in line with anything suggested here. This is purely an "Ah, just consider the possibilities!" thread.
... which means that we can safely suggest drastic rewrites encompassing 30 chapters or something. Or change fundamental facts about the world.
(Exercise due restraint on this one. Getting rid of the Ministry/the Noble Houses/blood purism would probably turn the story into something completely different; this isn't what we're trying to do here.)
With that, let the nit-picking begin!!