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The wedding in question is actually mine; I'm very grateful to alexflint for posing the question here.
The plan is to provide a brief online (fun, hopefully) test to all guests, and then use a combinatorial optimisation algorithm to assign seating so as to maximise conversational compatibility.
My wedding advice is not to stress too much about making everyone happy. We let people seat themselves at our wedding and people seemed to have a good time.
That said, using a combinatorial optimisation algorithm to seat wedding guests is AWESOME AND YOU HAVE TO DO IT