How do you notice when you're rationalizing? Like, what *actually* tips you off, in real life?
I've listed my cues below; please add your own (one idea per comment), and upvote the comments that you either: (a) use; or (b) will now try using.
I'll be using this list in a trial rationality seminar on Wednesday; it also sounds useful in general.
When I get into a particular negative emotional state, I make up reasons that I feel that way. When I start a sentence with a bitter "Fine!" or "I should have known better," it's a guarantee that the next statement out of my mouth ("you obviously don't care", "there's no point in cooking for you because you hate food," etc.) will be something I know to be false but that, if it were true, would explain why I feel rotten. Physically, the cue is me turning away from the person I'm speaking to. The actual explanation, "I like tomatoes, and I want you to like them too" or "I'm tired" or "My brain chemistry might be out of whack" are not as satisfying to say out loud as a condemnation of the other person.
(nods) Boy, am I familiar with this one.
That said, I have found that saying the actual explanation with all of the nonverbal signals of the false-but-satisfying condemnation is startlingly satisfying for me. My closer friends have learned to accept it as a legitimate move in our conversations; most of them respond to my explanation and ignore my bodyparl.
It puzzles third parties, though.