Request for input: draft of my "coming out" statement on religious deconversion

jwhendy

Edited 3/4/2012: I shortened up the summary a bit and add the following update:

Thanks for the lively comments. As a preliminary summary of things I've found quite useful/helpful:

Shorten/transform the document (David_Gerard)
Remove/postpone any reasons (TimS)
Don't be so prosy/fake sounding (orthonormal)
Show to religious people, not just LW (AlexMennen) -- doing that, btw
Give reasons (Will_Newsome)

Overall, I was initially a bit discouraged. This took a lot of effort and so it's frustrating to contemplate changing directions. Due to reading a very generously shared similar PDF document (from someone I'll leave anonymous unless they'd like to be named), I'm much more upbeat about doing so. I plan to:

Create two documents. One very simple, plain-language, frank relating of the fact that I no longer believe in god. I'd like to write it just as though I were saying it personally to someone, easing them into hearing this (like Bugmaster suggested, except that actually doing this in person is impractical for me)
The second will be my actual list of reasons. I think it will be valuable to actually spell them out, and many will want to know reasons anyway (and probably ask)

A question that came up in me from the comments below is what worth this actually brings about. I don't find myself compelled to write a dissertation-style document defending my power tool purchases, Linux custom kernel options, or why I listen to the music I do. I am aware of a desire for validation, to feel that I've done enough with respect to my "quest," to prove myself on this topic. I'm still wrestling with whether this is completely irrational and unnecessary, or only partially so, validated by the fact of my social/environmental circumstances that do present some real obstacles that this document could help alleviate.

Open to any thoughts on that last bit as well. Thanks again for the valuable input.

It's almost one year later, and I've finally made tangible progress on some of the input suggested in my post about being non-religious in a primarily religious environment. That is, I have a near-final draft of a "coming out" statement I plan to share with a majority of those who know me.

I was involved in two religious communities for about six years of my life (SPO and CCR). Two years post-deconversion from Catholicism, many of them still do not know I no longer believe in god. This can make for awkward interactions for myself, as well as for my wife, who's still a believer. She thought it would be helpful if everyone was on the same page, as did I.

I'd like input from anyone willing to read my statement below. Whatever comes to mind will be helpful. I had a first draft done in Sept 2011 that I sent to my parents and brother (both non-religious) as well as a few of my blog readers. I'll post their input in perhaps a week to avoid influencing any expectations you currently have for the document.

Many thanks for thoughts and comments (or support/hesitation concerning with proceeding as described above). Also, thanks to the LW in general for all the previous support and encouragement during a difficult time. For a sometimes intimidating band of rationalists, your words have been surprisingly comforting and helpful when I've come here in emotionally difficult times. Many thanks for that; I think this document will help a lot with me moving on with my life and I value the input from this community.

As a forewarning... it's 10 pages single-spaced. I don't anticipate it to be an agonizing read, though. I hope it's well written enough to be interesting and easy reading.

My statement in pdf

Edited 3/4/2012: I shortened up the summary a bit and add the following update:

Thanks for the lively comments. As a preliminary summary of things I've found quite useful/helpful:

Shorten/transform the document (David_Gerard)
Remove/postpone any reasons (TimS)
Don't be so prosy/fake sounding (orthonormal)
Show to religious people, not just LW (AlexMennen) -- doing that, btw
Give reasons (Will_Newsome)

Create two documents. One very simple, plain-language, frank relating of the fact that I no longer believe in god. I'd like to write it just as though I were saying it personally to someone, easing them into hearing this (like Bugmaster suggested, except that actually doing this in person is impractical for me)
The second will be my actual list of reasons. I think it will be valuable to actually spell them out, and many will want to know reasons anyway (and probably ask)

Open to any thoughts on that last bit as well. Thanks again for the valuable input.

As a forewarning... it's 10 pages single-spaced. I don't anticipate it to be an agonizing read, though. I hope it's well written enough to be interesting and easy reading.

My statement in pdf

I'm enjoying this more and more. At first (and it was probably apparent), I was pretty defensive, particularly because this is obviously something personal and important and I felt a bit threatened. I think I (at least, maybe "we") have leveled off and are actually getting places now :)

if their belief is justified it's mostly the result of epistemic luck...

Well put, and we agree on that. Though your big bang cosmology example made me realize that this is more true in far more areas of my life than I am aware of (or even care to think about in order to avoid an ugh field).

It's probable that my default model doesn't apply...

Maybe, maybe not. I was around my father and brother during Christmas break and they don't believe. I was with my wife, though, and we both did very strongly. I said rosary on the plane on the way down, tried to take some personal prayer time, etc. So... I'm not explicitly aware of those things, but then again I was in close proximity to non-believers (which perhaps forced me to wonder why they didn't believe, leading me to my first major cognitive dissonance) and away from my typical very-tight-knit Catholic social sphere for ~10 days.

Then again, I've debated my dad about biblical interpretation and tended to view them in a pained manner, as in a "Why can't they just see the truth?" type of way. It was an unusual circumstance, but I've typically held my own without feeling any doubts or uncertainty before. I could see it either way.

I'll check out the link on rationalization. Thanks.

I think Catholicism has the most reliably good infrastructure of doctrine, but again I may be wrong.

We don't have to pursue this more, but I'd be interested in how you think Catholics are so good. Is it, as you said before, by epistemic luck, or because they actually have some sort of connection to a divine being's will/intention? Similarly, just to probe some specifics:

Do you sign onto this being having a purpose/design for humans? As in, was the universe created for us to exist as the pinnacle of creation, to live out holy lives, and then spend eternity in a heaven if we've lived good enough?
Similarly, with something like contraception (contraversial, I know), the typical route Catholics would take to their stance is that it's "unnatural." God intended sperm to meet the egg and so preventing that in some non-natural way is thus contrary to his will. How do you sit with that specific line of moral thought and subsequent implication derivation (not just on contraception, any don't-fiddle-with-how-god-designed-things line of argument)?

I'm not very confident of theism...

Oh. When I replied at that other thread (though, that was WIN_2011), it was to you saying you were highly confident in an omni-max being, which I took to mean theism.

I think that's a mischaracterization...

Re-read, and I can see that. I think I'm also still having a hard time wrapping my mind around your use of the word "theism" (or at least what you meant a year ago in that post). "Agent-y processes" is not what typically comes to mind when I'm talking about theism :)

To be fair, though, you do seem to be talking about YHWH, or at least perhaps you're saying that people writing in the bible have been interpreting this simulation machine as the analog of a person, but with magic powers and an interest in their eternal future?

You too; I'm glad there exists a place like LessWrong where...

Indeed! Like I said, I feel much more on the same page with you after some back and forth. It's at least been mind opening to some other views and you'll surely have my head involuntarily occupied (well, your ideas) on my car rides to and from work for several days or more.

We don't have to pursue this more, but I'd be interested in how you think Catholics are so good. Is it, as you said before, by epistemic luck, or because they actually have some sort of connection to a divine being's will/intention?

My own personal belief (not that you were asking me) is that any religion around long enough during periods of intellectual progress will get some sort of internally consistent formulation, however much violence it may do to a naive reading of the original texts. Catholicism is a good example, with the reconstruction of theol... (read more)

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Request for input: draft of my "coming out" statement on religious deconversion

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Request for input: draft of my "coming out" statement on religious deconversion

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