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ArisKatsaris comments on Ontologial Reductionism and Invisible Dragons - Less Wrong Discussion
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I'm not applying modern standards. Even Deuterenomy 21:10-14 seems to predict that young captured women will be mourning their father and mother, not be glad at their deaths.
The default emotional response of any human is grief (and/or anger/hate) at the death of one's family, not joy. This seems just human nature, not culture-specific behavior. The exceptions are just that.