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paper-machine comments on Why do people ____? - Less Wrong Discussion
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I guess I'm volunteering to answer these things, heh. Well, other people need to answer these things too, right?
Well, so I did stop talking to my most recent ex-boyfriend. The thing was that after our relationship ended many of my friends confided in me that he and I were of vastly different social statuses, and that our relationship had lowered their opinion of my status.
Then, some months later, he returned some of the things he had of mine, and during that meeting he was exceptionally creepy. I realized that talking to him further would only increase the creepiness, and so I stopped talking to him altogether. Most recently, he replied to a throwaway tweet of mine, and I intend not to respond to it because it's still clear that he's still seeking a relationship I'm no longer interested in.
This leaves me with more questions, but they are more specific, so yay!
So I can definitely understand not hanging out with or regularly talking to someone after a break-up, and I can understand that if people don't like him, not wanting to just say that. (Though from the other side I would prefer to hear it)
On the other hand, if he seems creepy or has crossed motives, these seem like things that you could say explicitly. In your situation I wouldn't offer this information unprompted, but if he asked would you proffer it?
It saddens me to think that the social groups of people I'm thinking of thought of me as low status, but I'll update towards that for now.
Also none of this really gets to the heart of what I'm curious about, so let me try to improve my question: Say your ex still had one of your old possessions, but something that you cared about having less than you cared about not seeing him. He offers to return it. What goes through your head as you formulate a reply?
At the time I made it pretty clear that the thing he did was creepy.
Mu. This is actually the case; he sent me an e-mail about four months ago in which among other things he offered to return about $20 worth of my stuff. I ignored it, because it wasn't worth going through the trouble of seeing him again.
I'm concerned that you think your case mirrors mine when it probably doesn't.
I don't think that my case mirrors yours, and I can think of at least three tangible differences between the most recent situations I've been in that are even close.
But people often use the same habits for wide classes of situations. And I still feel like your reactions to things differ slightly from my hypothetical reactions, which is really what I'm curious about.
Like, when you ignored the e-mail, did you think, "I don't care that much about that stuff, and I'd really rather not deal with all that." then close it and never open it again? (Underlying assumption: do you usually have verbal thought processes? Or even explicit thought processes about these things?)
By the way thank you for continuing to respond.
Good. I was worried by the "It saddens me to think..." sentence that you were taking it to heart.
Yes, I have an inner monologue, and yes, I did have more or less that reaction.
Ok, thanks!
I feel compelled to link to a song.
The Hardest Part Of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff)