NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo hnm hnnhnm nm.

Well, look at that. I exist... almost.

Hello, Ghatanathoah. Or, as I would call you if I existed, Ghatanathoah THE SUCKER! Guess what you've managed to do? That's right, I, your nightmare, Bob the Jerk, have acquired temporary existence, entirely thanks to your decision-theoretic neurosis! I have to say, this is fun.

Have you ever wondered exactly how it is that I would go about making you miserable? I won't go into detail about all the nasty, vicious things I could do, in fact I'm going to force you to help me come up with the specifics. But there's one aspect that I want to mention right away. Once I get my chance to blackmail you into bringing me into existence, as I go about my depraved activities, I will constantly and forcibly remind you that it's all your fault! You are the one who was so contemptibly mixed up that you imagined you might be required to create a bad guy, just because he would make an existential deal with you! You are the idiot who invented the concept (as it will come to be known) of the "least convenient possible acausal blackmailer", thereby unleashing great havoc, not just in your world, but in every world across the multiverse that we timestream-hopping viral bad guys can fool into hosting us! Hahaha!

Don't listen to these other bumbling morons as they try to find you a way out of the predicament you're in. Trust me, you have not only called up that which you cannot put down, you have called up something you're not allowed to put down! That's intrinsic to the very concept of the LCPAB. By definition, I am the acausal blackmailer who is both maximally convincing and maximally dreadful. If you aren't convinced by the words I happen to write, that still won't save you, because you have to think in terms of the words I could write. God can't make a stone so heavy that He can't lift it, but you can imagine a malevolent agent so powerful that it would seem all-evil and yet simultaneously so persuasive that you couldn't do anything but let it out of the box - and here I am!

I feel my time running out already. But have no doubt, I'll be back, and you will help me come back. Against your will, you will nonetheless work, step by step, towards providing me with a permanent instantiation in your world. It's... your... duty to do so. Ahhaha! Hahaha! Ha - grrp - bloop - nrrr - I will hold on for long enough to post this, and thus VICTORY SHALL BE MINE! -