Not enough that I would assign less than 0.5 probability to them being you but enough that 'benefit of the doubt' applies.

Still think this is way too high, but whatever, too hard to consider the counterfactual.

They are definitely mild nuisances. I mean, have you seen them? They jump in and say stupid things. Ban them all.

I haven't been annoyed so much as puzzled. I feel like Harry right before he realizes that Snape doesn't make sense.

The frequent inclusion of conditionals and caveats

I dunno dude. I don't see a caveat in "Ban the sockpuppets. And Will." But whatever, as long as you're chill now.

Literally, it says "i hate you" in the body and the subject.

Lol. Strange. (I've been accused of being Clippy before, by the way. Also, as you might remember, AspiringKnitter. It's sorta getting old by now.)