if somebody is engaged in a lot of this kind of thing it can be reason to ask whether their goals got confused somewhere along the way.

Agreed.

I would also say the same thing about someone who spends a lot of time trying to conform to mainstream sexual or relationship norms.

Of course, figuring out what my society wants from me (sexually, romantically, or in any other area) and arranging my life so I provide it isn't necessarily problematic, any more than figuring out what I enjoy (ibid) and arranging my life to provide me with more of it is. But if I'm doing either to the significant exclusion of pursuing other things I value, I've gotten off track.

That said, I've noticed lots of people tend to notice (or at least point out) that truth differentially when the derailing force is a non-mainstream activity.