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Alicorn comments on Friendship is Optimal: A My Little Pony fanfic about an optimization process - Less Wrong Discussion
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Comments (145)
I have read two chapters and I am popping over here to tell you that this is riveting. (The smoking's offputting, though.)
ETA: Spelling error: "discus" for "discuss".
ETA2: Celestia's use of Butterscotch is sketchy. The fact that David isn't noticing dings his character in my head.
ETA3: Every single time I see the phrase "friendship and ponies" now I giggle an extremely shrieky giggle.
ETA4: Grammar error: "try their best" for "try my best".
ETA5: Spacing error: "can not upload" for "cannot upload".
ETA6: Hahahahahaha Madagascar, I see what you did there :D
ETA7: Exposition exposition... maybe this part is less slow if you don't know the background.
ETA8: Spacing error, extra space between "realize" and "that".
ETA9: Advise against use of ampersand.
ETA10: Immigrate to, emigrate from. And the smile-related dialogue tags are weird.
ETA11: Bahahahaha, bits for being concerned with earth ponies.
ETA12: infinity bits :D
ETA13: Tense at beginning of chapter is confusing.
ETA14: Sigh. "Alicorn" is supposed to mean just the unicorn horn, not an entire winged unicorn / pegacorn / unisus. It's been corrupted; I guess you don't really have a good alternative on how to refer to the species with a single word, but if you're only saying it once or twice "winged unicorn" is serviceable.
ETA15: Spelling error: "he decide" for "he decided".
ETA16: "Conquer" is the verb, "conquest" the noun.
ETA17: Eeee, she's so sinister without actually deviating from her basically reasonable parameters. Very nicely balanced.
ETA18: Spelling error: "those building" for "those buildings".
ETA19: Aaaaaaaawwwwww Butterscotch
ETA20: Heheheheh, blah blah blah values friendship ponies.
ETA21: "A person who didn't like ponies" suggests that ponies are nonpeople, but they clearly seem to be people.
ETA22: "Accepted" needs a direct object.
ETA23: "Hanna wondered" followed by lots of pluperfect is weird.
ETA24: "Decorational" isn't a word; do you want "decorative"?
ETA25: "Intermediate", not "intermediary".
ETA26: Done. Well, that was splendid. Thank you for writing it :)
Thank you very much for your feedback.
I am actually aware of this and the first several drafts stubbornly referred to Princess Celestia as a winged unicorn. I gave up after having a discussion with my roomate about how we write to be understood by others, and, at least in the minds of my target readers, the correct word to refer to the concept of a winged unicorn is "alicorn."
Words mean what most people think they mean. Language is, after all, a convention. Etymology and history are only guidelines.
This may be Piers Anthony's fault. At any rate, the Xanth books were where I first encountered the term.
"Alicorn" is irrevocably MLP canon for winged unicorn.
Except Hasbro doesn't call them that, but "pegasus unicorn" instead. See wikia:Celestia and practically everywhere.
It's still more elegant, as it seems to contain the latin roots for wing (ala) and horn (cornu). Certainly sounds better than winghorn. The horn should be renamed helicorn, or something.
I am not arguing. But 'elegant' is different from 'canon'
Not anymore.