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ModusPonies comments on Friendship is Optimal: A My Little Pony fanfic about an optimization process - Less Wrong Discussion

63 Post author: iceman 08 September 2012 06:16AM

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Comment author: ModusPonies 10 September 2012 04:45:26PM 3 points [-]

The prologue serves an important function, so I'd leave it in. Fittingly, you've got the same problem as the tutorial level in a video game: you establish a lot of important information, but it's dull and low-stakes. It would help a lot if you rewrite the scene with a conflict. It could be in the game (you can surely have a more exciting tutorial than walking around looking at plants; maybe make the playtester settle an argument between NPCs or solve a puzzle), or better yet, in the real world (maybe the playtester is a corporate spy, or she's there with a friend who she's having a fight with, or something).

Comment author: gwern 10 September 2012 07:24:30PM *  7 points [-]

The conflict could actually really be easy: she's trying to figure out whether it's being run by AIs or not, which both explains her various musings & even lets her bring in the Turing test.

Why? Maybe a bet with a cynical geeky friend - "it couldn't possibly be as good as they're claiming; tech demos never are! It must be smoke and mirrors like an actress or really big scripts in the first level."