Thanks. It's very helpful. If anything, it tells me that my writing needs a lot of improvement if you found multiple items to fix in the first paragraph.
Happy to help. Knowing where you are at is part of improving. The paragraph looks much better now. Some more touch-ups:
I started tracking myself after being warned by my primary care doctor about the fact that my sugar level and blood pressure is too high and that I needed to lose weight.
I missed it before, but "blood pressure is too high" conflicts with "needed to lose weight." For a story set in the past it should be "was too high".
These piece of advice are unhelpful, as they are not actionable
Should be "pieces" since it is plural in this context.
I am not the best writer on the block, but I been working on a self quantification essay. It is of interest to lesswrongers since it is about It's about applying epistemic and instrumental rationality to self improvement in the form of running scientific experiments and data analysis on one self.
If you have any criticism or comment, let me know. Also, it needs grammar fixing since I suck at grammar. Thanks.
Be advised that the essay is undergoing continuous revisions. Some of the content may change drastically.