we have data showing men today are about as happy with their marriages as they where 50 years ago, but women are much unhappier.

For a utilitarian to take this seriously, you need to make the argument that happiness reports are a reliable indicator of utility possessed. As you note, there are strong reasons (many connected to technological advancement) to believe that practically any alive today has more utility than the average person in 1600 (or perhaps even 1800). So that's some reason to distrust the assertion that happiness reports accurately report something that we should consider morally weighty.

Since they where doing better on measures of social dysfunction where absolute material poverty and racism where much worse. I'm not arguing for material poverty and racism and they may halp, but they probably can't be blamed for the negative since the 1960s.

Pending data about minority marriage rates in the 1930s and before, I think my response is "agree denotatively, disagree connotatively." Even without the gains from technological progress, it seems pretty clear to me that the average minority has more utility now than in 1930, even if the marriage rate is lower.

But the underlying issue is that I think that there are significant policy differences between the victorious community organizer and the losing business executive. There's a definite partisan slant about things like basic research funding and food safety regulation - I may be mindkilled about this, but I think any reasonable cost-benefit analysis shows one side is more rational about those topics than the other.

Still, there's always the possibility that I'm terribly mind-killed on this topic - causing me to overestimate the relative power of what I consider the saner parts of the political coalition of which I am a member. And the in-group / out-group smugness is terrible - deserving of being called out whether or not I'm in the in-group just this minute.