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NancyLebovitz comments on LW Women Entries- LW Meetups - Less Wrong Discussion
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On the other hand, not being talked to at all can seem unwelcoming. My impression is that "How did you hear about the group?" is a good starting point.
I like that. Beats "come here often?", but still seems relatively neutral on in/out group. And of course it's better to talk to them than not.