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paper-machine comments on Farewell Aaron Swartz (1986-2013) - Less Wrong Discussion
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Comments (116)
I'm really not sure if the fact that he wanted to die makes it better or worse...
He didn't want to die, he couldn't handle going on living.
That still means he wanted to die, but the nature of his desire provokes extreme sympathy.
The psychology of suicide can get a lot more complicated than that. Feeling you absolutely must do something, but you can't bring yourself to lie down and wait, or to go to the hospital, or to call a hotline, or to take a shower, so you do the only thing you can. Watching yourself plan your own suicide, thinking "Huh. That's probably a bad idea. I wonder if I'll actually go through with it?". Being desperate both to die and to live, and picking whichever you're drifting towards until it happens to be death. Letting the suicidal part of you run the show, not because you share its goal, but because it's the only one that can get you out of bed.
That's.... an interesting analysis. Can I ask whether you're speaking from experience, or is that too personal? If not, do you have any links for where you got you're information? I myself feel self destructive from time to time, and I think that's a pretty good description of the emotions involved, so I'm a bit curious here.
First two are from experience, second two are from anecdotes whose sources I mostly forget plus a dash of experience.
I don't have nearly as much experience with suicidal thoughts that can be interpreted as "wanting to die", but I can report that the standard "too much suffering to cope with" explanation isn't universal.
Here, we fight for as long and happy lives as possible for as many as possible, no? Just imagine how bad your life is if you ACTIVELY want to reduce your lifespan. An experienced negative QALY. So I say worse. It's one of the most horrible things you could ever experience. I've heard it said that a life barely worth living, is still worth living, here. So, a life not worth living...
As noted above, suicide is not necessarily as a result of "experienced negative QALY." Indeed, I have seen it argued that our society's assumption of this is increasing the suicide rate.
It's sometimes useful to keep my thoughts about the actual value of life distinct from my thoughts about the perceived value of life. To do otherwise leads to endorsing some form of wireheading.